By Christy of The Simple Homemaker
It’s fairly safe to assume that if you’re human, you’ve hit a wall at some point (or several points) in your life.
Perhaps you’ve just been handed the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back and can’t do one tiny thing more than you’re already doing. Maybe you’ve just experienced a life change that requires time for adjustment. Possibly, you’re simply tired.
I’ve hit that point a number of times. One of my children was born with a congenital birth defect requiring surgery during the same time period that we lost my father-in-law and a young friend.
After the birth of another child, I was plunged into paralyzing anxiety which still plagues me from time to time.
Most recently, my firstborn was hospitalized for a few weeks and diagnosed with a lifelong auto-immune disease shortly after we learned we were expecting baby number seven. We were sent home with a very ill child in a lot of pain, who had a long, uncertain road ahead of her.
It was, simply put, too much. I know you have your own stories as well.
It isn’t only negative situations that overwhelm.
Image by just4you
Perhaps you’re planning a vacation, preparing for a graduation, expecting a baby, moving, or realizing you have said “yes” a few too many times to a few too many people.
Maybe guests are coming, you have a houseful of little ones still needing mama’s constant help, or you’re struggling to learn a new job or homemaking skills.
I’m sure you’ve been there. Perhaps you’re there right now.
When a season in life is weighing heavy, I have a few thoughts to share which may help.
1. Let go of the unnecessary
If it isn’t crucial to the well-being of your family right now, release it. This might mean some hard choices, such as giving up projects you love (for me, that was sewing), sports, lessons, extra social activities, trips. If it gives you peace, you will be blessing your family. Before we began traveling for a living, we made a 4000-mile road trip every summer to visit family, most of whom can’t visit us. Twice it was more than we could handle on many levels. As difficult as it was to not see family those years, we had to let that go.
2. Compromise
Are you too overwhelmed to keep up with cloth diapers? Go disposable for a time…or forever. Is making your own bread too much to handle right now? Find the best store-bought bread your budget can handle and eat that for a while. I build my own curriculum as a homeschooler, but one year life knocked me off my feet. I bought “school in a box” and took the year off. The following year I was back on my homeschooling feet and went my own way again feeling refreshed.
3. Say “no”
It is often difficult to say “no,” and even more difficult to say “no longer” when you are already involved in something. When I had four small children, I was leading a women’s Bible study, a Mom’s Club, and a children’s choir, all an hour from home. I stepped away from one activity at a time, until I was no longer involved in any of them. Did I miss them? Some, but my family loved having more of me, and I enjoyed having an empty calendar and being better able to focus on my family. In short, I was relieved, and my absence gave others the opportunity to step up and serve with their gifts.
4. Take a break
Sometimes you have to completely let go for a time. We travel the country for my husband’s full-time music mission. We recently had a five-day break at home between tours. Because we came home to several minor disasters, school was canceled for the week while we worked to get our circumstances back under control. Similarly, while our family was split between the Ronald McDonald Charity House and the hospital while my eldest was hospitalized last year, school was put on the back burner.
5. Release the guilt
If you let things go for a time and replace the obligation with guilt, you are not improving your situation. Commend yourself for focusing on what is necessary, and forget about the rest.
6. Share the burden and blessing
If you are not training your children to work beside you, you are doing both yourself and them a disservice. So what if the towels aren’t folded the way you want, nothing above four feet is dusted, or the toilet paper roll is put on the wrong way—okay, maybe that last one can’t be overlooked. Learning to serve others and become adept at life skills is vital, and what better place for your children to learn that than at your side, sharing some of your load in the process.
Image from pixabay.com
7. Ask for help
It may just be that God has allowed your situation to give someone else an opportunity to step forward and serve you and Him in the process. Accept help when it is offered. Even better, ask for help. Call your church, call your mom, call your neighbors and say, “Help! Please!” Most people feel blessed to be able to help others.
8. Don’t be a control freak
Whenever I feel like my life is spiraling out of control, I remind myself that I was never in control to begin with. By truly leaning on God and trusting His sovereignty, I can release myself from the worry, anxiety, and guilt that often come with not being able to do it all.
Whether you are feeling overwhelmed by current circumstances that will pass in time, or you are adjusting to a new normal, take steps to lighten your load and find peace, both for your own well-being and for the sake of your family.
How do you deal with the overwhelming seasons in life?
Christy writes about simplifying life at The Simple Homemaker. Once weighed down by unrealistic expectations and life’s overwhelming demands, Christy has learned to throw off the complications of life and find joy in the little things. Christy and her contemporary Christian musician husband, Stephen Bautista, homeschool their 7 children, ages brand new to 15. The family tours the country for the music mission and works together on a home business.
Other posts from Christy:
How to Achieve a Natural Birth in a Hospital Setting
Adopting a Corn-Free Diet
Making New Year’s Eve Celebrations Meaningful
:)
Thanks for this article. I just scheduled a long overdue surgery (in my brain) and was trying to understand how I was going to deal and cope with it all. You made things more clear in my head and where to put my priorities. I know I will get through this…one day at a time with Gods help and grace.
Erin
This post by Christy was so encouraging to me as well!
Christy, The Simple Homemaker
Thank you for sharing! I pray that you are doing better and I know God will carry you through. 🙂
Prerna@The Mom Writes
Excellent post and I agree on all points.. As someone who’s faced her own share of difficult situations, I can vouch that giving up the unnecessary and not being a control freak is SO liberating that you may want to keep doing that even when things get easier and smoother:-)
Christy, The Simple Homemaker
I only just found this comment, Prerna, but yes, you are absolutely right! Once you get through the crisis situation, it is WONDERFUL to maintain the simple life! 🙂
Allison
Thanks … I really needed this reminder.
Nicole
I’m expecting baby #2 whose due date is baby #1’s 1st birthday! We just moved to a new house in a new neighborhood and when baby #1 was born I quit my job and became a stay at home mom. And that’s just the start! So much change in such a short amount of time has been beyond overwhelming. Especially finding out we are expecting #2. I was so scared. How am I ever going to handle 2 small babies? One small child seems like so much work, plus cooking and cleaning and trying to keep up with the house and other things…I spent a lot of days in tears just thinking about it. God reminded me that His grace is sufficient and He is enough. I have no idea how I will manage when baby 2 gets here but I know He will guide my days and we will be blessed. He hasn’t failed me yet and I know He never will!
Lisa Cuba
been there! great distillation of what I had to do to get through! Much prayer and relying on “angels” around me <3
Arielle
I really needed to read this post. My husband and I just moved 500+ miles away from family and friends due to his job. I had to leave a good paying job and work part time at a crappy one. I am closer to my grandma whom I never got to see but only 1 week every two years or so, but she is still 3 hours away from me and that’s a drive. I’ve had to start all over with my life here in MO. and I’ve been getting quite depressed. I thought I was expecting baby #1 and was excited/worried but it turns out I’m not. I miss my family, I miss home, I miss my friends, I hate living in an apartment, I really don’t like my job, but I don’t have a college degree and have next to no work experience so I can’t quit the one I have. But I started to work on container gardening. I’m used to working the ground every year with my momma and I love getting dirty. So this is a nice peaceful release of stress that I don’t need. Thank you for this post. God Bless.
Jennie
Thank you so much for these reminders. I’m not a mom, but I do live and work with about 20 college students. This is a great reminder on where to put my priorities.
Tired Mom
This post is exactly what I needed. I’m in the middle of the most stressful year of my life. I am a mom of 2 babies 17 months and 2 months old, my husband had had 3 heart surgeries this year for congenital heart problems, baby #2 was born 3 1/2 weeks after my husband had open heart surgery, both the baby and I nearly died during the delivery, and she and my husband continue to have complications that brings us to the emergency room often several times a week. Baby #2 has to have a feeding tube, so I spend loads of time a day just pumping milk. My husband still isn’t well and is looking at getting another open heart surgery in the near future. On top of it all my whole family git sick this week, and it’s up to me to care for everyone even when I’m sick. Life is really hard and I’m struggling. But doing several of the things mentioned in this article has really helped bring some peace. The hardest thing for me is asking for help. We need help, but i don’t know what I would have people do b/c i feel like I’m the only one that can do things the way they need to be done. And i feel like we’ve burned out everyone that we’ve already asked for help. Any advice on how to ask for help and actually get the help I need?
Vikki Goedmakers
Thank you so much for sharing! It was so encouraging as my son is suffering with health issues that hold him back from having the normal life of a twenty year old young man. Our family has had a very difficult season with losing many loved ones and my husband closing his business and my having to go back to work….but! God has proved himself faithful through it all. Sometimes it is hard to remember that the Lord knows what we are walking through and does care.
Erin
Thank you for sharing your story, Vikki. I pray this next season is much better for you!
Marlene
What a timely post. I just started caregiving for my mother in law in our home. Working through what to give up, what to keep doing, how to take care of her as well as me. It’s good to be reminded that we all have these seasons of change in our lives. Thanks for the timely post.
Erin
Thanks for sharing your story, Marlene. It is so kind of you to care for your MIL!
Sarah Ann
What fabulous advice! I struggle with anxiety from time to time, and it’s amazing how quickly I can go from in control to paralyzed with fear. I love these tips for surviving and thriving during those seasons and am sharing this today. 🙂 Many blessings to you on your journey!
Jennifer
This is an amazing post. Thank you.
Heidi @ Grow Family Love
Love this post! It completely explains exactly how I’m feeling with baby #5 due to arrive in the next few weeks! It’s really influencing my priorities. I’ve learned to say no to a lot of things and it has made my family’s life more peaceful. We take care of the necessary things and then RELAX together! It’s great to have much needed down time to just hang out and be a family! We are celebrating growing our family love by simplifying life and enjoying this new season of our family life! ❤
Heidi, Grow Family Love recently posted…The Best Time & 17th Wedding Anniversary